Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
