Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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