the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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