yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my poor anus
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
