Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
