her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
