wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
