Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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