In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
