Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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