The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
