So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
