Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
