I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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