I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
