who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
