It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
God I need to hump something, right now.
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