She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize