My nipple is on Facebook.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
