bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize