Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
