How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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