He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
