now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
