So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
4 words: hood of his car
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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