And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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