the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
In America we eat man semen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
