Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
