the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
