Yo dont text me then not text me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
