Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
