last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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