After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Randomize
