i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
