I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
