No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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