we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
