Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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