my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
