Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
