What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
