OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
