I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
