I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
