Someone shit on the floor
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
