Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
