so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My bed smells like the plague
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