i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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