when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
