Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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