I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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