you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
