So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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