Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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