she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
