There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
