My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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