I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
