we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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