sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
