ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
