I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize