it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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