In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
