you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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