I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
