After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
