Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
