dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
