i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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