Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
