I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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