I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
