mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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