I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
