You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
