i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
