I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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