the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it glows. i had to have it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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