her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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