I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize