non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize