Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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