Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
