i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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