So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
