I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
