i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize