So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
