come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
