she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
