I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize