I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
