hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
